One of my greatest teachers in this lifetime is my mother. The woman who taught me how to tie my shoes, brush my teeth, cook and "the social graces," as she refers to them. She still continues to teach me in her 82nd year...but now it's the contrast of what I want in my life.
My mother is suffering from the early stages of dementia. Since my father died over 6 years ago, my mother has for all intents and purposes, died with him. All she does is look back. She has piles of pictures she thumbs through each day remembering the good and the bad, each person and their history. She tells me she lies in bed each morning remembering decades and if she gets it "right," she's proud of herself. I ask her why she doesn't start with the day right before her. She responds with a statement that basically says she is alone with two cats so what's there to feel good about. Oh, now she's in my territory!
I get excited as I tell her about the Senior Center and all the wonderful events and activities they do each and every day. Or the beautiful area she lives in and how exercise and fresh air would do her good. "Think of what you can do today that will create a wonderful tomorrow, Mom," I excitedly tell her. "Your power is in the now. Right now." I continue on with the same vein of thought because this stuff excites me. We are truly the creator of our reality, of our own destiny. As a lyric from a song that often repeats through my head from a CD from Jerry and Esther Hicks on Law of Attraction, "If you want it, you can have it. Just get out of the way."
I invite her for dinner and overnights. To spend time with me and my family. I drop off reading material and CD's that I feel are uplifting and positive in nature. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she can heal herself. She can heal her mind if she surrounds herself with healing light and energy. With good stuff--good thoughts, good people, good feelings. And look forward. Feel good now and use her mind to create what she wants tomorrow. Yesterday is not coming back. Why look that way?
But no, not what she wants to hear or do at all. She rejects it. She refuses to participate. I try again. I get frustrated. I get angry. But why? It is her life. Why am I projecting my own thoughts and beliefs on her and then getting mad when she doesn't "fix" herself or allow me to help her?
A Course in Miracles tells us we are all one and when we feel separated and angry at another for what we perceive as a grievance, we are really attacking ourselves. This is her road, her path, her experience. All I can do is love and accept her. I know she has bought the illusion of this world and the almighty ego. It's a good story and many have bought it at the expense of their peace of mind, and piece of mind (hello, Alzheimers & dementia).
This is her experience. When she is ready, she will re-member what really exists and what is true. Until then, I will learn from the contrast she provides me and continue moving forward. I don't want to go back. I love creating my tomorrow right now!