I warn everyone about this Lesson - I am still processing things and the issues it has brought forth.
The Lesson encourages you to search your mind carefully for situations past, present or anticipated that arouse anger in you. Oh boy...unfortunately, anger is an emotion I am all too familiar with. I don't like it but yet it's "comfortable." It doesn't matter what level this anger presents - annoyance to rage. I find myself focusing on events and people that bring about intense fury.
Maybe it's me and one of the many things I am to work on in this lifetime, but when I "perceive" someone has done something so atrocious to deserve punishment, or horrible karma times seven, I want to be on the front row with a bag of popcorn watching their come-uppance. The idea brings a smile to my face as I think of all the horrible things these people deserve. The Lesson notes that all forms of anger (even slight annoyance) is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury. Got that one covered...
We feel that some thoughts, and some people, deserve attacks that are more justified than others. When these attack thoughts present themselves, the Lesson instructs us to hold each one in mind while we tell ourselves:
"I am determined to see __________ differently."
So....as I envision using my subject's testicles as pin cushions, I hold that joyous thought and then try and see it, and him, differently. I also realize that if the situation hadn't turned out like it did, I wouldn't be where I am. I also understand that the whole experience was part of my growth. By experiencing a bad relationship(s), it opened me up to a good relationship(s). I defined what I did want in a partner, and also what I found intolerable. It molded me into who I needed to be to find the person that was perfect for me. And I did.
I also realize that each of us has our own walk, our own growth, our own experiences we signed up for, and they all don't agree with each other--at least on initial review. Maybe in the end, when we all have cycled through what we need to to get where we want to go, we can see the big picture. The hurts that seem so large and personal now will neatly fit into a puzzle that define the soul and provide us the salvation we desire.
Until that time, I will focus on seeing things differently as I cycle through my memories, and current events because "the beat goes on." I won't always understand, because it isn't up to me to understand. But I will try and give it the energy it deserves to heal and move forward to be the person I am meant to be.