I admit it, it's tough out there. It's tough to start a business, even doing what you love. It's tough to make the payments when there's little to no money coming in. I know at the depth of my being that my future is solid, that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, but why isn't it popping? Why isn't the financial situation rosier than the reality that my checkbook, shows? So, I looked back...
I was in sales--corporate America sales. I sold to the big payers--United, the Blues, etc. It was high-profile, fast-paced and big income. I loved making the money; I hated the lack of fulfillment and the constant beating down of self the job brought with it. I will never forget one of my fellow sales guys whispering in my ear during a pretty typical sales motivation/fear speech from our upper management, "The beatings will continue until morale improves." That about sums it up. So, why did I look back? I wanted the money, pure and simple. An easy way out, if just for the short-term.
I got a call from someone that had a job opportunity. I thought, "What the hell? I need the money." I talked, I interviewed, I got the job offer, or a pitiful excuse for one. Then why did I feel so dirty? Why did I feel my soul sink in my chest? Why did I tell my husband, "I'm about to sleep with the devil?" Because I looked back. Because I thought I could find an easy fix and bring some money in quicker than it seemed to be coming in as a start-up business owner. Then it all came flooding back...why I left, why I reached into myself to do something different--something that made a difference to everyone involved, not just the folks with a C in their title. And most of all, why my soul was screaming at me, "NO, NO, OH GOD NO!"
Yet part of me wonders, if the job offer was something I could live with, something that didn't insult but actually pleased me, would I sell my soul "just a little while" to pay some bills off? I'm really afraid the answer would be yes. So, is the Universe stepping in to assure that I continue on my path by making the offer so insulting? I probably will never know.
But I do know, I'm pushing on. I'm continuing on the path that FEELS right in my heart, my soul and the center of my being. I won't look back. Instead as I look at the bills on my desk, I know, I've got to know that something will happen, something will break, that will provide relief. I have to believe because I feel called to Clarity and Purpose, LLC, to make a difference. So, it will all work out....some way, some how. I have to believe it and I can't look back. I'm not going in that direction any more.